About

Hey weirdo, fancy you wanting to know more! Well if you've come over here to be a nosy bitch I might as well give ya something to read! 

Welcome to my website, I'm the host who does the FUCKING MOST around here, from building this site (tbh it's like point and click and drag and drop really, cause Jesus Christ I dont have the aptitude to code!) I make all the beautiful dicks, the bath and soap shit you've seen on this amazingly designed website...yeah tooting my own horn..fuck off, I'm proud of it!

i do all the everything's, from creating, formulating, making, marketing, socials, videography, (I point my phone or iPad at the shit and hit record, it's not rocket science🤣 but look at me using the big words!) basically everything on this store is made by me, even the paper packaging, I'm a fucking genius..(sarcasm, though you don't know me so I could be...you'll never know! Well you will if you keep reading, I'm sooo far from it!) it's recyclable too. I try to be environmentally conscious when I can by using as little plastic as possible. 

I really should've introduced myself first, fuck sake..well I'm not starting over now. So I'm Aoife Marielle, I'm Irish as is my name, it's pronounced EE-FAH, I swear I'm not making it up, or misspelt it, And no you're not having a stroke either. Marielle well that's just fucking obvious I'm not doing that phonetically for ya! 

I've been a cosmetic chemist for 10 years, learning and unlearning a lot! I got my first CPSR (cosmetic product safety report) in 2015! Id been kinda side hustling selling sporadically in this time after being the weirdo chemist in the basement formulating and reformulating my creations until I got them, perfect! I sold my car, quit my day job (that was giving me endless sleepless nights working for a clinically insane asshole boss! But honestly starting a business at the moment, being a solo-fuckin-everything you have to be somewhat insane and I'm still having sleepless nights though these are now self inflicted, dont know what's worse!) I'm now betting on myself to make it! 

I picked the most fucking amazing time to start a business though I must say (insert fucking face palm here ) global economic downturn, cost of breathing & existing crisis, import tariffs, wiping out a huge chunk of my customer base, wars on several continents, active volcanoes and earthquakes trying to take us all out before a fucking nuclear war does...trying to make a business creating products that some would say aren't exactly essential to living, oh and did I mention I'm a recovering alcoholic, who's 4 years sober this past June!? What a great time to quit that shit too 🫢 insert yet another fucking face palm here

I have nothing but incredibly bad timing. It's not easy I have good days and bad days just like everyone else does, but nothing grows in comfort EVER, and I'm very uncomfortable! 

With all that said, I really do make amazing quality bath and body products even if they are dick shaped. FOR USE OUTSIDE THE BODY ONLY ...I feel this really should be highlighted for the hard of thinking! When I become profitable I swear I'm getting that made into a LED sign from Tony at LC Signs! If you know, you know, Tony is an absolute fucking legend! I love that guy ❤️ Anyway...Back to me  (did you see what I did there I bet you read it in Tony's voice! You know you fucking did)

All my products are vegan, as they are made using organic oils and absolutely ZERO ANIMAL BYPRODUCTS. I am committed to creating high quality vegan cosmetics for everyone over 3 years old! I really want to add in a 3 year warranty and manufactured in China, I've been binge watching Tony WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH! They're actually handmade in my purpose built soap studio, I did sell my car to fund this endeavour so I made every penny fucking count! 

You can come hang out on my YouTube channel if you want to see the dicks be made, do the like follow ect ect on my insta and I make playlists that coincide with the batches of soap and bath shit I make and post them on Spotify. So come say HI! By the way, I have what is known as synestesia which means god gave me a an amazing kaleidoscope behind my eyes, or in my brain or wherever he implanted it and I get to see amazing colours when I hear sounds especially music, I create my colour combos based on the music I've been listening too. I'm never bored, I swear he likes me better than you..just saying, do you have a kaleidoscope in your head? That sounds way fucking weirder than I meant it to....moving on then...! 

You can support my crazy business idea for FREE by liking, following and doing the commenting on my socials, you've no idea how much these things mean to me without you needing to spend a dime, cent, nickle, penny or euro of your hard earned paycheques here! Come say hi ask the questions, even if you don't like what you see just don't be a dick about it...please do interact! It'll be such a great help with no cost you at all. 

If youve read this far, Jesus fucking Christ you've had too much screen time already! Go buy my shit, get offline and chill in a relaxing bath away from any fucking screeens! 

But no really thank you for stopping by, taking the time to read ALL THIS! 

I love you, ya dick loving weirdo 🤣

Aoife Marielle